new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
