i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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