I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
