Welp...herpes.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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