You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize