we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
