just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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