I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
