I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
