i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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