I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
