theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
