Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
