Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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