Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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