You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
