Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Shame - the story of my life.
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