Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
