Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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