It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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