This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
