from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
