Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
