yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
