I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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