I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
me + whiskey = a bad person
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
