Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I would fuck him just for his dog
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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