pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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