Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
