i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
