I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
