and you said cock pushups were impossible
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
