Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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