My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
