Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
