fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize