My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
that's an acceptable place to lick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
