all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
