Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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