I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
