pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
