Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
