if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
