He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
