just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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