Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
what day is it and did you see me today?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
