Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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