Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
