remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
