Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
