I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
