We won't sleep together?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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