I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
