Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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