What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
