do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
