You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
