im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
