Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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