I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
