I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
