You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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