I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i out mim tonsoeep
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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