ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
