if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
