My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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