Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Someone came in the potted fern
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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