so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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